“I will go before you and level the exalted places, I will break in pieces the doors of bronze and cut through the bars of iron, I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that is I, the LORD, the God of Israel, who call you by your name.”
Isaiah 45:2-3
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If I had to boil down training camp to one word it would be: confirmation. I left training camp last Friday FILLED with so much excitement and anticipation. Getting to meet everyone on my squad, the leaders who will be working with us, and the staff of Adventures in Missions far surpassed my expectations.
To be honest, it has been an emotional journey over the past couple of months, juggling with the gravity of this commitment. Being the classic overthinker that I am, I have lost count of the days I have turned this decision inside out, wrestling with the security surrounding it, and waiting and praying for clarity. I felt led to this journey for many reasons (most of which you can read about in my previous post), but I was still faced with the realities of fundraising, life in the meantime, and preparing spiritually, emotionally, and mentally for what life will look like in 2022.
In September and October, I began to experience anxiety in new ways. The enemy fed me lies about my capabilities, my readiness, and my relationship with Jesus. I was so scared to tell anyone about how I was feeling. I felt like I couldn’t be honest with anyone for fear that they would question my decision, or worse, that I truly wasn’t meant to venture out on this journey. So, I mostly internalized what I was feeling.
As training camp drew near, my anxiety multiplied. In desperation, I reached out to some people I trusted and sought wisdom on this decision. After those conversations, I felt certain that I had to see what training camp had in store. Still, my doubt continued in the weeks before camp and was even present the day I drove down. I was just so uncertain and doubt-filled. But, Jesus is faithful, even when I am doubtful!
Training camp blew me away in so many ways, but one, in particular, was on the third day. I remember experiencing the closeness of the Lord, feeling him so near, and using others to confirm what he had in store for me. I vividly remember thinking “This is only day three of this eight-day camp.” Often, at church camps or retreats, I have experienced the Lord, but it always seems to be on the last night, the peak of the weekend trip. It is always emotional and resulted in a surface-level change that didn’t last. This was different. There wasn’t anything special about this day, it wasn’t built up to be the pinnacle of the week, it was just the graciousness of the Lord meeting me where I was at. The confirmation of that day continued throughout the week and to this day!
It is beautiful to see the ways the Lord has been preparing me for this journey. Even looking back at the trials I have experienced over the past five years, it is with a new lens – one that has eternity in mind. I have begun to experience the Lord in new ways this year, which has allowed me to view the hard things, the anxiety, the fear, etc., as all a part of the process of refinement. I take comfort knowing that the Lord is still with me in the midst of my trials and with me as I process my fears and my unspoken worries. He is still faithful to meet me right where I am. He truly has gone before me and behind – even in the unknowns ahead, I have security in Him.
Training camp was only one short week, but a week in which I experienced Christ-centered community, faithful leadership, grace, and the sweet love of Jesus in a new way. I can’t way to experience Him more over the next year and to see the way he moves in the nations.
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Training camp was incredible! It is honestly way too much to write about in a single blog post. But, I’d love to share everything, so let me know if you’d like to hear more about the details!
